Leave me out with the waste
This is not wat I do
It's the wrong kind of place to be thinking of you...
I always drive to work in the morning from the same narrow valley, in the direction towards my work place. In the afternoon, I decided to take the same route I usually take only in the morning. It felt so strange. I knew the road, but the direction was wrong. I didn't know where the road narrowed and I couldn't see the cars coming towards me the way I would when I'm driving on the other lane.
It made me think. How sometimes, when we look at life from a different angle, the perspective changes altogether.
These days have taken on a different toll. It makes me wonder how sometimes, things from the past still return to haunt, but the feeling is different. I have learnt so much during the past months, that no lesson or book could have ever taught me. Unfortunately, good lessons are learnt the hard way. But it's also like overcoming a great illness but the memories of the pain and the fear of it reappearing remains. The thoughts and emotional turmoil of an abusive past fear me again... I know that no matter where he is...no matter what he's doing...no matter what he's thinking ... he cannot hurt me any longer...I feel sorry for her because she reminded me of me, clinging onto his arm for dear life, while he blissfully ignored her.... he will always ignore her ... and she will only see the real him... when trouble knocks...
We all make choices in life and i've made mine... I chose to LIVE and so I left ....in search of better things and I have found. They say you need to taste the bitter to appreciate the sweet. I met someone. I met the opposite side of aggression and anger. I also met a different side of me, the side I thought i'd lost, just like a child looses his innocence, he no longer experiences things the same, vibrant and exciting way he used to.
I will continue to seek inner peace, balance and serenity. I know that I will find it in no place but within. In many ways I have moved forward but in others i realise that I could be stronger. I wish that no words would hurt me, that no memories would haunt me and that the future brings about only images of happiness.
I will grow. I will become the best person I could ever be. I will not hate. I will continue to search for the inner child and keep her close to heart. I will keep up that joie de vivre, which I so admire in myself. Life is beautiful and I can overcome all that I come across. I have myself as the strongest tool and I've my friends who are most treasured.
People always leave - maybe one day I will meet the person who will prove me wrong
